Let Me Come Home

“Home is wherever I’m with you”

The lyrics to the Edward Sharpe song Home always make us smile, it’s a reminder of our time living on the road. Our definition of “home” was a bit fluid during those years. We would use the term to describe our hotel for the night. Refer to the office in Detroit as our home base. When planning a trip to visit with our folk we would use both “back home” and “down home”. And while we have only been in Portland a few years, it felt like home before we moved here. So many places we call home.

There is a reason my mind has been filled with thoughts of home recently. My mother is making the final preparations to sell my childhood home and finish her move to Omaha. The house which she and my father purchased in their first year of marriage, raised her family in and now leaves to start her retirement life close to grandkids. She’s ready to make a new home, with lots of a new memories. There is something final in my mind. Both closure and sadness, like I’ll never go home again.

Since I don’t lack places to call home, why am I morning the loss of this one? The house looks nothing like it did while growing-up, over the years my folks remodeled and the neighbors have changed. It’s not what’s on the walls that made it home, it’s who’s there. I’d don’t think that I will miss the house but instead the last connection to my hometown. I’m from a very small town that’s difficult to get to. Without the connection of visiting my mother there I am faced with the knowledge that there will be only sad reasons to make the trek.

We are grieving many things right now, the loss of jobs, of plans, of a solid path. We are finding a balance in the loss. I’ve tried to enjoy some of my time quarantined, finally able to cook and craft. Able to breathe a bit after so many years in a stressful job. I was able to spend countless hours with Pippi. In July we said goodbye to our sweet little scottie, she gave us 14 wonderful years and now she is forever home in our hearts. It’s a huge adjustment to be without her and we both miss her terribly.

I keep going back to those song lyrics.

Ah, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I’m with you
Ah, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I’m with you

Home for me is wherever they are. Whether it’s a condo in Omaha, a farmhouse in Illinois, or a craftsman in Portland, I am home. We will make more memories here and there.